Self-Flagellation

I'm starting to wonder (well, frankly, it's not the first time I've wondered this, but...) if I'm a masochist. I must enjoy rejection. That's why I became a writer.
Well, more specifically, I'm a writer who wants to be published. If I were just a writer doing it for my own pleasure, then I'd be fine. But, sadly, I'm one of those sorts who wants to publish and get my work out there for lots of other people to see. (Perhaps that's why I blog... Yikes. Well, no, really, I write this blog as a lazy way of keeping my friends up to date. Really. )
So I wrote a book about my experience as a mother and spent a good five years of my life writing, editing, and trying to get it published. I collected a lot of books about how to get published, as well as a file folder stuffed full of rejection letters from agents and publishers alike. I learned that it's nigh-near impossible to get a nonfiction book published unless you're some sort of expert, or have a really pitiful life story to share in the form of memoir. (Yeah, neither of my parents is an alcoholic, and I didn't grow up poor.) It sounds crass, but it's largely the truth in the publishing world. So I realized, hey, I'm going to have to self-publish. So I did. And I learned a lot more about publishing, as a result, and it was valuable information. I hope I've been able to put it to good use as I've tried to help some friends find publishers/agents. I can say I have helped a friend find an agent, which is more than I've been able to do for myself, so I suppose so far it's a success. Now we're waiting for his book to find a publisher. So, as I said, I at least can say my experience has been valuable in some way.
Now through the things I've learned, I thought that my best bet would be to work on children's books. I had an idea both for a picture book and for a middle-readers book. So I wrote one chapter on the latter about a year ago and have simply chewed over it in my mind ever since. I also sat down about a month and a half ago, I guess, and just wrote down the children's picture-book story. It took me three tries to get it right, to get into the right style and tone, but I did it to my great satisfaction. Then I edited it a bit more and felt very pleased with the result. I think it's a delightful, fun, silly little tale. So here comes the self-flagellation part: I decided to SEND OUT QUERY LETTERS to agents. I've sent out maybe 15 letters and emails, and I've gotten maybe 6 or 7 rejections so far. I started a new file folder. It's filling up with my little rejection letters. As much as it's to be expected that I won't get a positive response right away, it still kills me a little inside each and every time I open up an envelope with a standard rejection form in it. As if I don't have enough stuff to bother me as it is. Like possibly moving. Or all the other usual stuff. But I'm piling it on.
Even so, I feel inside that I'm on the right track. I am quite sure that writing books for young readers is where I'm supposed to go. So exactly how long will it take until I really get a "bite?" If I count my previous attempts at publication, I've been doing this for about 10 years, without any real encouragement. If I count this new situation, I suppose I'm at the very beginning of perhaps another 10-year run. I truly hope that this run will be more positive than the last. I mean, yeah, it's nice to learn things, and find valuable experience, etc etc. and to be able to help other people. But I'd REALLY like to find some success of my own. I always hope that I'm not one of those completely untalented types who is convinced they're talented. I'd hate to be one of the kinds of people who auditions for American Idol or some such thing, sure they're the next big star, but they can't even hit a note on-key. That's what bugs me the most, I think. Am I completely fooling myself? How many people ask themselves that question on a regular basis? Am I normal that way? Or am I abnormal in that I continue to cling doggedly to a goal that's truly pie in the sky?
I am a good editor and a passable writer when it comes to writing for the newspaper or magazines. I mean, on my first try, I got a story accepted for publication for The Friend, the Church magazine for kids. I saw that as a really good sign that I am meant to write for kids. But I would just love to have another little sign that at least I'm on the right track. Somebody throw me a bone!
Well, I'm just whining now. I should turn my pain into some good writing, rather than a blog rant. So, here I am, pulling out another rope to beat myself up with.